


Satisfaction Guaranteed or Your Money Back

by McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 00:30:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11002191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: Thanks to a "make your own dildo" kit, Remus finds ways of keeping himself occupied - and satisfied - while Severus is away.





	Satisfaction Guaranteed or Your Money Back

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2007. All of the commands Severus creates do have a connection to Alchemy and to the function they serve - his way of amusing himself.

It was unfortunate that James and Lily Potter hadn't made Remus   
Lupin their secret-keeper, because if there was one thing Remus   
excelled at, it was keeping secrets. He hid quite a few of them   
beneath his calm demeanor and tatty cardigans; some had already   
been revealed, such as the fact that he was a werewolf. Others,   
such as the fact that he was gay, took longer to come out (so   
to speak), but after the war, everyone knew. Once again, Remus   
had had a secret revealed because of Severus Snape, but not in   
a fit of curse-driven malice this time.  
  
The charges against Severus had been reduced due to the unexpected   
documentation provided by Aberforth Dumbledore, and he had been   
given a lighter sentence involving community service rather than   
prison. After his trial was over, he seemed to show up everywhere   
Remus was. At first, people thought this was a coincidence until   
gradually, it became clear they were together. Eventually, it   
sank in that they were _together_ , and then Tonks went brown-haired   
for about two months again, and Molly stopped hinting about weddings   
and babies.  
  
But there was still one secret only Severus knew and had no intention   
of revealing, because it was no one else's damned business: the   
legends of werewolf stamina were not legends. Werewolves really   
were endowed with exceptional sexual stamina and an appetite to   
match. Remus also had a deliciously huge cock, although he refused   
to confirm whether it was due to genetics or a beneficial side   
effect of his lycanthropy, and Severus didn't much care.  
  
"Good God," he panted as he lay sweating and replete during their   
first night together. "No wonder Miss Tonks chased you for so   
long."  
  
Remus smiled placidly and rolled Severus beneath him for another   
teeth-rattling, black out inducing, too sore to walk properly   
afterward fucking.  
  
Months passed, and bets were made as to how long their relationship   
would last, but Severus continued to be seen in Remus' company,   
and eventually, people accepted that they were together for good.   
For his part, Remus had never been able to sate his appetite so   
thoroughly, and Severus - who had spent years alone, celibate,   
and cut off from normal human interaction in fundamental ways   
\- had built up a prodigious appetite of his own. In short, Remus   
was horny, and Severus was touch-starved; together, they kept   
each other satisfied in ways neither had ever experienced before,   
and they were happy.  
  
They continued in a state of sated bliss that nauseated everyone,   
mainly because no one wanted to imagine Severus in the throes   
of ecstasy, but it was impossible not to when Severus had a perpetual   
well-fucked air about him - and was damned smug about it to boot   
\- and Remus had a perpetual look of post-coital contentment. Even   
young people in the throes of the usual adolescent hormonal tempest   
looked askance at them. Things might have continued in that vein   
indefinitely had Severus not been invited to speak at a conference   
in the States. It was the 135th annual conference for the International   
Association of the Alchemical Arts, which had expanded to include   
Potions, and they wanted Severus as a keynote speaker.  
  
He would be away a week, and Remus couldn't go. The regulations   
that limited employment opportunities for werewolves had been   
lessened, but international travel had been restricted; it would   
have taken over three months for the necessary paperwork to go   
through so that Remus could get a temporary passport, and there   
simply wasn't time. There was the option of Remus leaving the   
country illegally, of course, but neither of them seriously considered   
it; a week apart was far better than months or even years apart   
if Remus was caught and imprisoned for breaking the law.  
  
International Floo calls were tricky, and the conference schedule   
combined with the time difference was such that Severus would   
only have free time when it was the middle of the night for Remus,   
which meant even dirty talk to accompany mutual wanking was out   
of the question. Thus for the first time since they began their   
relationship, they were faced with an entire week without sex,   
and they were both dismayed by the prospect of such a lengthy   
drought. A week before he departed for the conference, however,   
Severus arrived home with a bag in hand, appearing triumphant.  
  
"I have found a way to keep us both satisfied while we are apart,"   
he announced, holding up the bag.  
  
Remus folded _The Evening Prophet_ and put it aside. "You   
have? How?"  
  
Reaching into the bag, Severus pulled out a box labeled "Make   
Your Own Dildo Kit" and handed it over for Remus to inspect. "It   
has enough materials to make two. I thought we could each make   
one modeled on our own cock and trade for the week."  
  
"But I don't bottom," Remus pointed out.  
  
"It's a make your own dildo kit, not a make your own arse kit,"   
Severus retorted. "They don't make those, and what they _do_   
make, you aren't interested in, so it's that or naught for a week."  
  
Remus decided naught wouldn't do at all; he made the replica of   
his cock and traded it for the replica Severus had made, which   
did look quite realistic and would, he supposed, serve as a substitute   
for the real thing until Severus returned home.  
  
"I made a few magical modifications," Severus said, handing over   
a slip of parchment along with the dildo. "I will be happy to   
put yours to use in the usual manner, and I packed a full jar   
of lubricant, so _I_ will be satisfied. I thought you, on   
the other hand, might enjoy a few extra features, given your preferences.   
Just speak any of the commands on the parchment to trigger the   
charm."  
  
"What do they do?" Remus asked, glancing up from the parchment   
with a puzzled frown.  
  
Severus smirked. "I leave that for you to discover."  
  
Instead of giving Remus simple commands such as "on" or "off",   
Severus had written down things like "aqua vitae" that made no   
sense, at least not to Remus; he was certain they made perfect   
sense to Severus, who was probably having a joke at his expense.   
Remus put both the list and the dildo aside, thinking that a man   
his age ought to be able to exercise some dignity and restraint   
for a few days anyway, and he wasn't feeling adventurous enough   
to try those cryptic commands.  
  
By day three, however, Remus' restraint had crumbled in the face   
of need. He missed Severus. He missed the warmth of Severus' body   
next to him in bed at night; he missed quiet conversations over   
morning tea; he missed the scent of Severus' soap lingering in   
the warm, steamy air after his morning bath. He missed the casual   
touches Severus had gradually learned to accept, and he missed   
the sex. The wild, unrestrained sex that made Remus sometimes   
wonder if they were both coming unglued in the midst of their   
mutual frenzy of lust. Oh, yes, he missed the sex.  
  
That night, he fetched the dildo, the small jar of lubrication   
Severus had left him, and the list of commands, and he marched   
into their bedroom, determined to crack the code Severus had provided;   
he stripped off his clothes and stretched out on their bed, toying   
with the dildo as he tried to figure out what to do with it. He   
knew he ought to use it at least once, or Severus might feel slighted,   
and Severus would know if he was lying about having used it. Not   
to mention, Severus had gone to the trouble of enhancing it for   
him, so the least he could do was experiment a little.  
  
He looked at the list of commands again. From what he remembered   
from long-ago studies at Hogwarts, he thought they might be related   
to Alchemy; knowing Severus, he assumed each term had some connection,   
however tenuous, to whatever effect the charm had, but short of   
getting up to consult an Alchemy text, there was no way of finding   
out what that connection might be other than diving in and trying   
it.  
  
Picking one at random from the list, he spoke the command in a   
firm, clear voice. "Athanor!"  
  
Immediately, the dildo began to grow warm in his hand, the cool   
material heating to what felt like normal body temperature, and   
Remus smiled, pleased by that. Encouraged, he tried another command.   
"Quicksilver!"  
  
This time, the flesh-colored dildo began to vibrate, and Remus   
gasped as it sent pleasant ripples up the length of his arm. Humming,   
he drew the toy down the center of his chest, the intense vibrations   
sending a shiver down his spine, and his gasps turned to moans   
as he began circling his nipples with it, teasing them to pebbled   
hardness.  
  
Spreading his legs, he reached down to press the head of the dildo   
beneath his balls, massaging his perineum from the outside, and   
he moaned louder and squirmed, his cock going from half-hard to   
fully erect at the stimulation.  
  
"Caput mortuum!" he exclaimed, hoping whatever effect this command   
had didn't send him into sensory overload.  
  
Instead, everything stopped, and the dildo grew cool again, and   
Remus sagged against his pillow, disappointed. _But at least  
I know how to turn the thing off now_ , he thought.  
  
"Athanor!"  
  
The dildo grew warm again, and Remus nodded, satisfied. He much   
preferred it to feel like a real cock rather than a cool facsimile.   
He glanced at the list again.  
  
"Aqua vitae!"  
  
Fluid erupted from the tip of the dildo, and Remus laughed, shaking   
his head over Severus' thoroughness - and wicked sense of humor.   
On impulse, he lapped at the fluid dribbling down the side of   
the dildo, and he found it tasted remarkably like Severus' semen.   
He didn't stop to wonder overly long on how Severus had managed   
to recreate _that_. Instead, he indulged himself by closing   
his eyes and taking the toy into his mouth, sucking and lapping   
at it as he would have the real thing; the texture wasn't quite   
right, and he missed Severus' usual litany of moans while he did   
this, but he sucked happily for a few minutes anyway, content   
with the illusion as long as he kept his eyes closed.  
  
But that alone wasn't satisfying, and so he wiped off the toy   
and tried again. "Ouroboros!"  
  
Nothing.  
  
He frowned at the dildo and shook it, but he could neither see   
nor feel any discernible effects of the command, and he wondered   
if Severus had done something that could only be experienced if   
he fucked himself with the toy. He wouldn't be at all surprised;   
Severus was a willing, eager bottom, but he was also sneaky and   
naughty, and Remus wouldn't put it past him to tease like this.  
  
"Caput mortuum!" he said, ending whatever charm was at work while   
he considered what he wanted to do, and he put the dildo aside   
for the moment.  
  
He had never bottomed or used a dildo before, and Severus had   
teased him - not cruelly - about his virgin arse. Perhaps this   
was the perfect opportunity to experiment. He had an exact replica   
of Severus' cock, so he would learn what it would feel like to   
be fucked by Severus himself, complete with ejaculation. He eyed   
the toy speculatively. There was no one here to see if he was   
awkward and clumsy at first, and even if he didn't like it, he   
could tell Severus he _had_ tried. Besides, he was curious   
about what the ouroboros command did, which Severus was probably   
counting on, the wily bastard.  
  
Reaching for the jar he'd put on the bedside table, he unscrewed   
the lid and scooped up a generous dollop of salve, deciding he   
ought to stretch himself with his fingers first. Severus didn't   
always need or want stretching; sometimes he demanded that Remus   
get right to it without any preparation other than lubrication,   
but then, he was far more experienced, and he seemed to relax   
and welcome a good, hard fuck with his legs spread wide as soon   
as his back hit the mattress.  
  
Remus reached between his legs and touched his slick fingers to   
his entrance, rubbing lightly, and he shivered, his toes curling   
as little jolts of pleasure shot through him. He pressed and circled   
harder, unable to hold back a moan; he had never imagined that   
tight pucker could be so sensitive. No wonder Severus loved rimming   
so much! If fingers felt this good, Remus could only imagine what   
a tongue felt like, and he made a note to indulge Severus more   
often.  
  
Relaxing, he eased one finger inside himself, which felt... nice.   
It didn't hurt, and while the invasion was strange and unfamiliar,   
it wasn't unpleasant, and he added a second finger, wincing at   
the stretching burn that evoked. But the pain was fleeting, and   
he pushed his fingers deeper, a low hiss escaping him when he   
brushed against his prostate. Swiftly, he eased his fingers out   
and thrust them in again, seeking out that spot and moaning when   
he found it. He stroked and pressed it, electric shocks of pleasure   
zinging along his nerve endings, and his need built until he felt   
as if he could come from that stimulation alone, his cock untouched.  
  
But he didn't want to come, not yet. Reluctantly, he stopped and   
removed his fingers slowly. Conjuring a warm, wet cloth, he wiped   
his hands and picked up the dildo. He scooped up more lubricant   
and coated the dildo thoroughly, remembering that Severus seemed   
to love it when he used lots of lube. He wiped his hands again   
and grasped the base of the dildo. Bending his knees and drawing   
them up, he let his legs fall open and guided the dildo between   
them.  
  
"Athanor!" he exclaimed, shivering at the blunt nudge of the faux   
cock against his entrance. His breath caught in his throat, and   
his heart pounded against the walls of his chest as he paused   
on the brink. He could stop now and keep to his safe, comfortable   
patterns. But he was tired of playing it safe, even in bed, and   
he steeled his resolve - and he pushed, a soft cry escaping him   
as the head of the dildo breached him.  
  
Even after his fingers and the lubricant, he felt the stretching   
burn again, far more intensely this time, and he felt so very   
tight and full as he slid the dildo deeper bit by bit until at   
last, it was in all the way, right up to its rubbery balls. It   
was warm and solid, and Remus marveled at the feel of it inside   
him. Severus' cock was long and slender, but it felt quite thick   
enough now that it was inside Remus, and he gave himself a moment   
to adjust, lying still, his breathing shallow.  
  
After a minute, he eased the dildo out and pushed it back in,   
shifting the angle as he thrust until he found the right one to   
make his toes curl and fireworks explode behind his eyelids; the   
slick sliding in and out felt so good, he almost forgot he wanted   
to experiment with the commands, and this time, the word came   
out more like a moan. "Ouroboros!"  
  
He thrust the dildo in deep - and nearly levitated off the bed   
when he felt his cock surrounded by slick heat as if _he_   
had thrust into Severus' arse and buried himself balls-deep. Cautiously,   
he pulled the dildo halfway out and pushed again, and the sensation   
around his cock mirrored the movements of the dildo.  
  
With a low groan, he closed his eyes and gripped the base of the   
dildo harder, letting go of his reservations and fucking himself   
with abandon; the harder and faster he worked the dildo, the harder   
and faster he fucked the phantom arse, and he gave himself over   
to the dual sensation, sharp cries escaping him as he rocked his   
hips, caught between the bone-melting stimulation of his prostate   
_and_ his cock until he felt as if he might fly apart, his   
body incapable of handling the overload. He flung his free hand   
out, his fingers crawling amid the covers as if seeking something;   
he wanted another warm body - Severus' warm body - but it was   
enough that he could feel an invisible body tight around him as   
he thrust into the air, his cock achingly hard.  
  
Cries devolved into moans and whimpers as he fucked the air mindlessly,   
pounding his own arse relentlessly with the dildo in his urgent   
bid for the release that was eluding him; his skin was flushed   
and sweat-damp, and his hair clung to his face and neck as he   
writhed, panting, his body taut, desperate, straining for release   
\- and then he came, a hoarse shout torn from his throat as he   
spent into the empty air, and he retained just enough presence   
of mind to cry, "aqua vitae!", imagining he could feel the warm   
liquid flooding him.  
  
Exhausted and sated, he slumped against the pillows and mustered   
the energy to ease the dildo out of his aching arse and mutter   
the command to end all the active charms. He felt sticky and sore,   
but he had no regrets about his experimentation - far from it.   
He intended to make good use of the toy until Severus' return.  
  
Groping for his wand, he cleaned up himself and the dildo, and   
then he curled up beneath the covers and settled in for a nap.   
Later, he might try another command, or he might indulge himself   
with the ouroboros charm again. Either way, he would spend the   
rest of the week satisfied, and he would have new ideas to enact   
with Severus.  
  
He might even see if Severus had any interest in giving him the   
real thing. Which, he thought with a sleepy chuckle as he relaxed   
and prepared to drift off, might be what the sneaky Slytherin   
hoped for all along.


End file.
